Warning: Could Be Offensive To Some

Oh… i had the best intentions… i was going to write every day… well if not very day, then at least frequently… well if not frequently…           …            …………….

And as the saying goes, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”  i guess i have driven myself straight to hell at this point.  

Well, as i told my mother once (who is ultra fundamentalist conservative Christian), “i am glad i am going to hell, because the thought of spending eternity with most of the people who call themselves ‘Christians’ is my idea of hell (and for clarity’s sake, ‘Christian’ being a follower of Christ and yet how few actually follow Jesus’ life and teachings.  i am mostly super, duper down with Jesus–minus a few things– it is his hypocritical followers who make me want to throw up and scream and rage.)  And considering most of the people i admire and enjoy are also going to ‘hell’ according to Christian beliefs, i would much rather spend eternity there!  My kind of place for sure!”  ; )

But unlike my being ok with going to ”hell”, i am not ok with good intentions.  Good intentions without proper follow-through is for people who do not want to take responsibility for their lives or their roles in co-creating their reality and the world they leave behind.  Good intentions without right action and commitment is someone looking for excuses.

So, i am not looking for excuses or a “get out of jail free” card.  i am clear i made a well-intended commitment, and then i am equally clear, i did not keep my commitment.  i have a hundred and one very “good” reasons, but at the end of the day, i am committed to being much, much bigger than reasons and justifications.  i am committed to being a person of my word.  i am committed to being a person of integrity.  And i am clear that when it comes to my word around writing, i 100% failed to be a person of my word.  

i only wish i had a recorder in my head because of the 101 times i have “written” something in my mind.  It is the moving from mind to matter in the realm of writing that seems to be a stumbling block for me.  And yet, i love the writing process.  i love getting outside of myself what is inside so that i might more clearly look at it and learn from it.  And if it makes a positive difference for someone else, then bonus.  But since, i clearly have no integrity around my commitment to writing, i hereby end that commitment.  i refuse to pave any more roads to hell regardless of how fine i am with ending up there.  : )  

It was an interesting experiment.  One at which i failed miserably.  i am glad i tried even though i failed.  Sometimes that happens in life. But, i am committed to being a person of my word and since i clearly can’t seem to keep my word around writing, i must admit my failure and its impact and move on.  

For those who do consider themselves Christian, this past weekend marked Jesus resurrected from the grave.  Stories are very powerful, and i love when stories hold a deep meaning for us.  i do not adhere to the literal translation of the Christian story of Easter, but the mythology of it is poignant and powerful…  death is never an end… it is merely part of an ever-evolving transformation.  Just as in the other-than-human world, death is not an end to something, but rather it is food for something new to grow (think compost.)  So, too, this mythos of the Christ resurrected.  When we bring attention and intention to anything that is dying or ending, what we find is something new that wants to grow, emerge, and transform from the process.  Death is never an absolute end to something unless we miss the deeper meanings and connections that is life.  

So, the end of my commitment to writing is not really the end… it is just the beginning of something new.  What that new thing is has yet to show itself, but i can commit that i am looking forward to uncovering what that is and then committing completely to whatever “that” is.  

Here is to the rebirth possible for all of us when we hold ourselves completely committed to being people of our word and to recognizing that death is indeed an integral part of life.





Published in: on April 2, 2013 at 7:33 am  Comments (22)  

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  1. How do we, after going through this process of shedding (so to speak) the good intentions/not being able to follow through = so we let go of the intention yet maintain the capability to recognize the dynamic and maintain some values even if we are not necessarily doing what it is we decided for ourselves would be a good thing to do;

    How do we then reincorporate a new strategy perhaps so as to manifest the original intention without utilizing guilt or shaming or comparative valuations?

  2. If your point is to document your life and share -this app seems like it might do the trick. its simple and it only takes a second. 🙂


    if i had a smart phone i would be all about this app.

  3. my mom used to say writers write usually because they are to busy watching those around them to do much else themselves. i see action as one of your strong points and am saddened by your inability to see Jesus in those around you. many are not filled with the holy spirit/comforter. You often mention your parents so I’ll stand on the fact that most trees are not growing that far from their parents =) and continue to pray he reveals himself to you. One who is offended by honesty is too easily deterred. as you continue to grow I’m thankful your still able to hear and will not embrace a reprobate mindset . there is much changing in this world and i suspect your more aware of things then u let on.. As one concerned 4u i am thinking travel mid- month is not wise so enjoy the beach. and is there a reef near you? seeing snorkelers and such when u come to mind =) and a sumptuous meal prepared .and presented in courses someday.. happy thoughts 2u

  4. Love. Fall in love and stay in love. Write only what you love, and love what you write. The key word is love. You have to get up in the morning and write something you love, something to live for…

    Ray Bradbury

  5. Very rewarding blog…….

  6. Tome Jo,

    It is about being grounded, authentic, and committed to absolute integrity. Re-evaluation is often a part of life, but it must come with a fierce commitment of being people of our word if we truly want to manifest on our ideas, dreams, and in our world. There is no shame or guilt in authentic integrity. There is only fierce commitment.

    Love You,


  7. ow, things flow!

    meanwhile people don’t embody that jesus whas an outstanding example of truth and community living… a really sacred one!
    the greed of man will use his story to make hierarchical empires and the world will keep its dungeons for minds…

    and even if life resolve to put hell for me, more than what i allready saw in some corners of this planet…
    the heart will allways remember the sun, and without fear, sing to deamons how life is a beatifull creation and how we can be joyfull and peacefull here on earth…

    cheers elvish lady! 😉

  8. There is a reason for death to be there.. it is meant to teach us to go beyond it. We have to keep coming here till we finally “get it”

  9. Dear Julia,

    your today’s post fits perfectly into my own life at the moment. There are some things in my life, too, right now that I was not able to do although I promised to. So let me thank you for your post because your honesty made me feel more human and more alright. Not having fulfilled your promise to write every day (although you tried) makes you (even more) human.

    I’d like to offer you two little stories: One has to do with an improv class I took last year. There I picked up a very nice habit: Anytime anyone would make a mistake during the class, they had to shout: “I am so sexy!”. Then the whole group would reply: “Yes, you are!”

    The second story has to do with the current Mayor of Berlin, Germany (I live in Germany). He is a homosexual and has become most famous for his coming out years ago. During a press conference he said: “I am gay. And it is good that way!” Since then, all Germans have known him for these words.

    So let me tell you this, Julia: You did not keep your promise. You are so sexy! And it is good that way!

    Sincerely, Thomas from Rostock (Germany)

    Am 02.04.2013, 09:33 Uhr, schrieb Julia Butterfly Hills Weblog

  10. Fascinating perspectives,I personally don’t believe absolute integrity exists amoung us brilliantly befollbled and hypocriticaly heroic two legged human-animals.My religion is just to do my quite imperfect best to become a better person everyday, and be of service to the healing of our beloved world everyday come what may.Great job,Julia.

  11. I’ve been missing your daily writing. You have a way of putting form to thoughts/feelings that roam through my head and heart as well. There is a sense of comfort to find that in someone; it is rare for me. That said, I will be happy and grateful for whatever/whenever your next blog post alert pops up in my email!

    BTW: I can only imagine what has been written in your mind. That would be one ‘hell’ of a recording! 😉

    All love…

  12. Thanks for the laughs Thomas from Germany!

  13. I got a chuckle out of the “super duper down with” comment.
    I know that you have cited web articles before: are there any blogs you follow that might be of interest to us?

  14. Man is so fragile.. a punch in the head.. a car accident.. a heart attack.. the absence of food and water for days.. a domestic accident.. every small event can provoke death
    It is very easy to die, one instant you are alive and the following instant you are dead
    And death always happens in the present moment, the previous moment you are alive and the next moment you are dead, the previous moment you are dead and the following moment you are alive
    It does not happen somewhere in the future but only in the present, in one instant
    It is not a complex phenomenon but it is very usual, very easy, it is very easy to die
    It is enough to make friendship with death, to come “near” it and it does not appear anymore so ugly as it may seem at first sight
    But death does not concern the separation from the body only, rather, it is an every-day phenomenon
    Every day millions of cells of the body die and many millions are born..
    Every seven years, scientists say, all of the cells of the body are re-generated, we have a new body every seven years
    This could not be possible without “death”, death means that something “old” must be swept away and replaced by something new and fresh
    It is a washing, a cleansing, a refreshment occurrence
    Death also happens in our every-day life and bustle.. life always forces us to drop negative attitudes, attachments, fears, anxiety, sadness, ambitions, ego, stubbornness, etc.
    Life always try to discard what is useless, what is negative, what creates suffering in us
    We can co-operate or oppose, if we co-operate the process is shorter, otherwise it is longer
    So there is no death on one side and life on the other side, they move simultaneously, they move in harmony, the work together, they are ally
    We see them as opposite but the first begins when the other ends and vice versa
    So we should review our concept of death
    But what must be done to achieve that is to be willing to live “pain”
    What we do, every day, is to escape from ourselves, from our inner dimension.. we relate to escape, we search for people to escape, we work to escape, we live with people to escape, we distract ourselves to escape..
    This is not “love”, this is a barter..” if you allow me to escape, I will do something for you in return”
    Love is not a relationship but a condition, an inner condition
    If I remain immature and blind, I can relate only to escape from myself
    If I become mature and aware and adult, I relate only to share

    The whole responsibility falls on us, we are totally responsible for what we choose to become or to remain
    In this regard, I totally agree with you


  15. So you say all Christians are hypocrits. Well sadly there are thousands if not millions of people who claim to be Christian and yet have never known the Lord as their personal Savior. There are also those who, while they do know Jesus Christ they do not live the life of Christ. In other words they talk the talk but they don’t walk the walk. This puts a negative light on Christians as a whole. I am a Christian and I do my best to live like Christ every monment of every day but I am also human and I do screw up sometimes. But thankfully my God forgives me. 🙂 I respect you and your view toward Christians even though I disagree. I am doing a research project on you for school and I love what you stand for and what you did for Luna (BTW). Just know that I will be praying for you and I hope you will reconsider Christ with an open heart. He loves you even if you don’t love Him.

  16. Julia, Thank you for blogging/writing. The limits of spoken/written langauge can leave the actual awareness hidden inside us and also in another manner hidden within our outer expression. “Seeing forward” can sometimes leave us feeling alone and frustrated. In my own life I have found Meditation to be powerful “medicine”. And one of the truths that I have gained greater clarity on, and more and more tend feel only good agitation about, is often described by: “One can lead a horse to water but cannot make it drink”. Looking forward. Peace/Love. David.

  17. Actually, i never wrote “ALL Christians are hypocrits.” That would be a ridiculous statement. i would encourage you to be mindful of how you “read into” vs. read what is actually written. i have zero desire to follow any religion, especially those that are as male-centric as Christianity. However, i respect and appreciate and follow MUCH of Jesus’ teachings. i am also clear, that the religion is much too much confining too hold the immensity of my experience of the Sacred. i am also clear that if more people who call themselves “Christians” were actually followers of Christ vs. followers of dogma and religion, our world would be a very different place. i am very happy to hear that you are doing your best to walk the talk and walk the walk! Blessings to you.


  18. Thanks David, you have photographed my current feeling perfectly
    I am AFRAID of the unknown, I am scared of the future.. to see “forward” requires a “filled” soul, that I don’t have at the moment
    But I also understand that it is something that must be cleared away, that must be faced
    So I’ll let things and feelings the way they are, I’ll let “the horse drink”

    Thank you anyway


  19. Parker Palmer always has an interesting perspective on god, religion, society, spirituality, honoring the higher self (regardless of whether or not one identifies that in a secular or spiritual way). Here’s a 3 minute clip which fits in (a bit) with this post: http://vimeo.com/35024729

  20. I am just happy to hear from you whenever you can get to it. ❤

  21. Julia! 😉

    oh this blog has brought up so much for me, i wanted to share this email with you personally, but don’t see a forum to do that, but that’s ok, i’ll just write it here.

    where to start?? first time i heard the word “hypocrite” in bible school when i was very young, i thought, wow! finally a word that describes the people here, LOL! and through the years i’ve thought how much better i was than those hypocrites at church… only to realize…. drum roll… that i too am such a hypocrite. It’s sooooo easy for me to lecture my girlfriends about self-love, and they should judge themselves so harshly, etc. YET, i find that i too have struggled immensely with self-love too! ;-0

    Now, it’s gonna sound like i’m doing a commercial, and i kinda am. I just joined this online community on a recommendation of another woman’s advice, who i’ve been admiring her work, so i thought i’d check it out. I joined for 10 bucks a month, AND all i can say is WOW!!!! It’s called the procrasination cure, but it’s soooo much more than that!! so much more!! 😉 Please feel free to contact me directly and i will tell you more if you are interested.

    (basically i’m learning it’s not always or just “willpower” to get us to start a new habit, i so wished i had learned this info years ago, instead of spending years beating myself up!)

    and i just read your latest entry, oh my, i didn’t know you suffered so dear one, i’m sure you are going to get lots of ppl. offering suggestions to help, i would too, but i know you’re very educated. but is it a food that’s causing your inflammation??? I just learned about how toxic soy can be. and i’d share more but only if you have interest.


  22. Interesting Blogs. Just got on here and it’s July 2013. But I wanted to comment on Christianity. I agree 100 % with how you feel about it. I feel Religion is man made, Spirituality is God given. There was a blogger on here that wrote ” i see action as one of your strong points and am saddened by your inability to see Jesus in those around you.then he said he’d continue to pray he reveals himself to you” I’m sorry, but I had to laugh. Im glad my God & your God Julia is everywhere. God is in the trees, the birds that sing, the rivers that flow, the wind that blows the rain that falls & make things grow and most of all, God is Love and spirit that is in all of us. There’s a say’n that if you don’t believe that Jesus died for your sins your go’n to hell. I thought about that, not because I was afraid of go’n to hell but I though ,What sin did Jesus die for..And the answer came. Jesus died because of Hatred.They hated him. But what was Jesus’s message on the cross? he didn’t say go get those SOB, he said Forgive them which is the message of LOVE. We don’t need the 10 commandment, we just need Thou shall LOVE and all else falls away. We were born with Pure Love but taught Hate in this world. When Im in nature is where my spirit soars the most. I know God is everywhere but in nature is where I feel that spirit the most. Peace Out Everyone.. Love your Julia ~ Keep on Keep’n on Sista **** ❤

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