On The Road Again…

I am on the road again.  It is a challenge for me, more and more as the years go by.  Especially now that I have finally found home—something I have been longing and searching for years—it is even harder to go on the road.

 

I have such great events on this trip; I am truly excited and blessed to be a part of them.  And at the same time, I have been having near panic attacks leading up to it and the first days of being out of Belize.  I am practicing deep breathing, yoga, the things I know help center, balance, and ground me.  But my inner girl, some deep part of my physiology has been on deep revolt.  I hear the constant hum and buzz of the city and my body goes into flight mode… “Get Me OUT OF HERE!!!!!” it screams at me.  All the people rushing around, all the lights, all the staring at clothes and cars as if they signify the person; it feels like an assault on my senses.

 

My whole life I have struggled with being so sensitive.  I feel things so very deeply, that I have a hard time processing it all.  I have learned many skills, tools, and resources to help me with it, and yet, it is still very, very challenging for me.  And now that I finally found a more quiet and peaceful home, it is even more intense to throw myself back into the chaos.  I feel like such an alien when I look around me and I cannot for the life of me understand why we think and do so much of what we do.  Line from a poem that came through me many years ago, “So I raise my glass high and toast to the hypocrisy of you/ We trade in the old for a cheaper rendition of new…”  I look around and all I see is cheap junk sold to the next hungry soul, and empty eyes constantly looking to fill the void that can never be authentically filled in this morass of surface surfing that has become our industrialized world.

 

I am on the train as I write this, travelling from Frankfurt to Kassel in Germany.  Passing urban farms and solar-topped roofs, knowing Germany has committed to completely phasing out of nuclear power by 2020 brings some joy and peace to my nervous system.  The train system in Europe is light years ahead of the US and much more affordable—maybe that has something to do with why all the cars are packed full of people using them.  In the US, the public transit system is dismal in most areas and has less ridership as the fares go up and the routes, stops, and customer service goes down.  In Belize where I am based now there are many forms of transportation, although most buses are very old style school buses and because of my lung and hip issues, I can’t ride them very far because of diesel fumes and uncomfortable seats.  Luckily, there are many boat options for travelling in the areas I like and need to be in Belize, so I have that option as well.   Of course, I love my home so much, that I very rarely leave it unless I have to.

 

I am going to Kassel for a Youth Symposium with 500 youth leaders from across Germany.  I am really looking forward to this event as I know I will be so inspired and motivated being around all the young people who, in their teens, are already committed and working on issues ranging from environmental protection to human rights to animal rights, etc…

 

I know I always get what I look for, so I am looking to be inspired, happy, and motivated myself—even as I am dealing with my body and something very deep within me revolting at being on the road again.  I know that next year I will be travelling even less.  I have to find more ways to be in service and very importantly as well, to earn right livelihood without so much travelling.  I am working on some books because that is one way I know to be able to contribute and earn income without having to travel.  We will see what all emerges.

 

For now, I sign off as I fly through the countryside of Germany on a train.  I am focusing on my gratitude for this comfortable, beautiful, and more environmentally respectful form of travel.

 

Love,

 

julia

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Published in: on June 2, 2011 at 12:27 pm  Comments (11)  

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11 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. julia, knew we thought alike and agree its a pity the usa don’t invest more in railroad tech. glad to hear your writing a few books look foward to hearing them on tape soon, how’s the mexico thing going filling up yet? been sorry to hear your going to travel less but also happy 4 u finding a home were you can be safe and get the recoop time u need. till i moved to the gulf never paid water any attention fact spent too much time in hospital (nursing staff not patient) tho i did blend well on the psych unit =)but i digress. reserching my own way to bring home the lettuce B^) have u considered hiring a personal assistant/nurse/computer geek? feed me and the cat… well we all have a dream loved that kitten hug on fb, happy thoughts 2u sbv

  2. Any chance you’ll be in France?

  3. Glad to hear that you are involved again in “writing” a book, it is a good thing and it will bring you luck.
    About a sort of ‘panic attack’ coming on, don’t worry, we all have our highs and lows.
    Just think that, even in new countries, landscapes, hotels, people, etc.. even if you change your clothes, house, car, bicycle, etc. , YOU are not going to change.
    The reason for our sleepwalking in our everyday bustle, the reason why we are so absorbed by so many (useless) things is only.. because we can’t see their true value, their true reality..

    PS.
    During my university, I used to spend six month in Holland to study and I know the places you are now
    Enjoy your trip during these days!

  4. I’m concerned about the e coli where you are.
    Please take special care.

    Blessed B

  5. Hi Grace,

    Not going to be in France.

    Blessings,

    julia

  6. I raise my glass high and I toast the courage, honestly, compassion, truth in you. I’m thankful for it everyday. Here’s to sanity forged through and by the insanity. Here’s to older eternal rendition of you.

  7. I understand your apprehension about venturing out and I understand about sensitive, deep feeling people. What comes to mind dear one is something that has been passed on to me ” where ever you go, there you are”. I know that you will bring your deep quietness and equanimity where ever you are. :))

  8. Hi Julia,

    Today I found your website and became familiar with your activities. I’m a graphic designer and like you, I am a fan of nature. Some of my works are about nature and environment. If you give me your email address, I can send you some of my works about nature and human beings. Also you can refer to my website below to see a selection of my works.
    http://www.alirezanosrati.ir/works/poster
    I hope we can be good friends for nature.

    Sincerely Yours,
    Alireza Nosrati

  9. I am glad to hear you are enjoying the ride.

  10. Julia,
    The ideals and insights, that I am aware of, that you demonstrate through your history and work, are very important to better life here. The humilty to respect creation even in light of our need as human beings is essentail but is not obvious to all of us at this stage of our evolution – difficulty is often utilized as a way to avoid considering other avenues. And I have seen that people will oftentimes utilize the harshness of nature, or of `the world`, to avoid considering what could bring about our advancement – Yoga is the opposite. Everything we encounter is a yoga – be mindful – meditate. And, thank You for being You.
    David.

  11. Hi there Butterfly….

    you raise some interesting points about your home…unfortunately
    not all of us has the opportunity to integrate into a retreat such as Belize I do understand though, when I lived in Japan it did feel like a place for ants. Your comments make me think back to the ardious time I had at uni doing Wilderness Values….and some of the questions it raised.


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