i haven’t written for a while. i have been more contemplative. Every so often, i think about ending writing on my blog and closing down my facebook accounts and basically disappearing in the web world. But then, every so often, something happens that makes me think my taking the time to write, share thoughts, and sometimes ask for support on petitions or fundraising actually makes some kind of a difference– even if a small one, so i continue on.
i don’t have a crystal ball. i don’t really know how much of a difference any of this makes really. i get tired of people’s projections on me and sometimes their downright meanness and nastiness. i get tired of people’s sense of entitlement with me– as if just because i am a public figure who puts myself out there publicly– all of a sudden, their specific views, want, needs, and demands of me are righteous and right and i am wrong if i do not take them on. i know i open myself up to this by being public, and that is part of why so often i just want to disappear. i would not be surprised if i get some feedback to this posting that is going to be more reinforcement of the previously mentioned entitlement, projections, and judgments.
But for some reason, i keep writing (even if i take occasional pauses from it) and i keep putting myself back out there publicly (even though it is a lot less than i used to.) i am a human being. i am not a super hero. i am not a thing to be objectified, labelled, torn apart, or built up to some grandiose idea of myself. i am just a person who had my heart blown wide open and care very, very much about the Earth and all of its species and life that it supports. i am just a person, stumbling my way along, doing the very best i know how to live a life of loving, joyous service. i am one of millions (maybe billions, i am not clear on that one) who cares and is trying to make a positive difference.
This posting is not about asking for sympathy or complaining about people (although i do get hurt and frustrated and worn out by people sometimes.) If anything this posting is an invitation for all of us to look at our lives and ask ourselves if we are doing things because we are inspired and motivated to or because we feel like we “should.” i am not always sure which is the reasons for my choices. And at times when i am not clear, i often draw more within to try to find clarity. If i took on everyone’s opinions, i would be a very unhealthy and multiple, split-personality human being. When i need clarity, i go into the silence, i go into nature, i go into prayer. And when i have some clarity, even if i don’t have “all” the answers, i re-emerge which according to the Mirriam-Webster’s dictionary is partly defined as, “To come into being through evolution.”
May we all come ever more into our authentic being through the evolution of life’s journey.