Sometimes…

Up LATE!!! I write on my blog because it’s been more than a minute since my last post. Tonight, I was reminded how much I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the other-than-human part of our Nature! I try so hard to relate to the human animals, but I so often feel like I just don’t get it. Tonight, while hiking with a friend, I saw a Bobcat, 3 Great Horned Owls, and Quail, a Rabbit, and myriad other Birds along with watching the Ocean turn wild, magical hues of aqua-blue, silver, and gold as the sun disappeared below the horizon line. In moments like these, i think maybe I wasn’t dropped on the wrong planet after all.

I just don’t get people much. I mean I do, in some sense. But, mostly, no, not so much. I walk through this world being pulled between being inspired and disgusted. In many ways, living in a tree for over two years, surviving all that I did, was easier than living in this disconnected, crazy, violent world.

The amount of times, I have to watch and listen to people who know better make great excuses for their violent and destructive behaviors, makes me want to throw my middle fingers up in the air and walk off into the sunset over the ocean. It seems like such a beautiful and peaceful way to create completion in my life. And yet, in the face of this, I get so completely blown away by the beauty of this mind-blowing Planet Earth, that I find myself sticking around for another round.

I dance in this duality on pretty much a daily basis. I am not saying, by ANY stretch of the imagination, that I am perfect. It’s just that I get so disheartened by all the ways we sell out on the Sacred Earth, and ALL Her Species. We “want” something, so we do it– regardless of the consequences. It just turns my stomach and breaks my heart. And sometimes, I just feel overwhelmed by it all. And all I want to do, is throw my middle fingers up in the air as I walk off into the sunset.

But that is for movie sets. So instead, I write about it. Honestly. Because somehow that keeps me here. And keeps me accountable. No matter what people think.

I love you owls, bobcats, birds, and ocean.

Thank You for another mind-blowing, magical moment.

love,

julia butterfly hill

Advertisements
Published in: on November 17, 2009 at 9:01 am  Comments (18)  

The URI to TrackBack this entry is: https://juliabutterflyhill.wordpress.com/2009/11/17/sometimes/trackback/

RSS feed for comments on this post.

18 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. ….waiting for you on a sailing boat…

  2. YOU WROTE: I love you owls, bobcats, birds, and ocean
    (and Daddyo too???)

    is that me feeling insecure?
    ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Of course i love my Daddyo ; )

  4. It’s like you took a mirror to my soul and reflected it here…you spoke what I feel.

    Everyday I check your blog hoping you’ve posted something. I find comfort here. I don’t feel so alone.

  5. human behaviour breaks the heart while nature mends it*

  6. ok girl don’t start the walk on the ocean just yet. (i realize the trash will help float ya but)you need to raise a few followers to continue your perspective on things or all we will be doing is looking at the furniture and remembering when they had real wood , real bees and free range anything by the way i’m hurt you don’t let us know your off to the woods so a couple hundred of us can join you and scare off your furry friends =). feel a bit chauvanist at the moment but you middle fingered twice in the entry did something specific upset you with us humans? we can’t undo what were unaware of i just got out of court over my recycling the neighbors all like “the idea” but want the work done somewhere else. had one man offer to buy my home just to get rid of me. seems they don’t like reletives and pets buried in back yard either. (legally cremated) well buck up the sun should be out tomorrow oh and say hi to your dad 4 me. keep the faith =)sbv

  7. no way, are you kidding a Bobcat, that has got to be an ultimate, like seeing a Wolverine or a Piliated wood pecker. one time I saw a bear, kind of scary in hind sight, but was truly the top nature sighting in my life. like Anistisia(mythical fairy goddess) i spoke to this creature-said hi or something of the like-it gave my lunch a wiff and went down away off the bike path. glad i was on bike, on foot i may have had to match behavior-I’m not a animal psychologist and did not’ see Grizzly Man. anyway, hope all is well, sounds like a busy year, be well. J.

  8. I’m up late too — for a similar reason. I’m so miffed at people for all their apathy that I can’t sleep. I thought I’d check your blog for inspiration, and here it is (the poems too!). I’ll try to get outdoors soon for some inspiration from Nature. Thanks for the reminder Julia.

    But I’m wondering how social justice-peace-earth activists can stay sane over the long term. Especially those of us for whom this is a full time working gig. Is it something that one should do for a certain amount of time, then pass the torch on to others? Is burn out inevitable? Or is there a spiritually sustainable way of achieving balance between fighting the good fight, maintaining hope and loving life?

  9. Don’t know if you ever read Jacob Bronowski’s “Ascent of Man” or watched the TV version. Even though it was done in 1974, I think it gives a perspective on human development and how we got here.

    Enjoy the wonders of nature and best wishes for Thanksgiving.

  10. A WISE PROPHET ONCE SAID:” WE LEARN BY GOING WHERE WE HAVE TO GO.” FOR ME, THAT MEANS I HAVE TO DRAG MYSELF OUT INTO THE ESTABLISHMENT AND LOOK FOR THAT LITTLE NUGGET THAT REMINDS ME WHY I AM HERE AND WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY.FREQUENTLY I FIND THAT NUGGET IN A PLACE THAT I DID NOT WANT TO GO.

  11. Oh JB… Like Teresa said above…you mirrored me. I’ve finally come to the determination that it truly is human-kind that is killing me. They are selfish creatures who generally think only of themselves and even only at the moment. As Jasmin stated, we have to find the nuggets. I’ve found that I have to “re-charge” myself with nature on a frequent basis to not lose it. Those animals showed to you because they know you are safe. The essence of the world knows you are safe. Hubbie and I see many creatures on our walks. I don’t know what to say other than enjoy the moments while you can and try not to lose hope. You do make a difference. You have for me. Love you sweetie!

  12. You are not alone in your perceptions, visions and emotional pondering. Reading your words are encouraging that I am not alone either (in all that I question and wonder too).

  13. Yee-ha! Because I’ve been fine-tuning my own vibration toward infinite eternal truth love bliss wholeness beyond & behind the *temporal/temporary* 3-D physical earthly stage-drama, I love seeing the expression of your vast nature-al love, Julia.
    Of course, because we see the lovely nature-al object of our love being systematically, institutionally, corporately, ignorantly, arrogantly, egomaniacally, & wantonly gouged, sawed, bulldozed, dynamited, tarmac’d, raped, pillaged, plundered, destroyed, desert-ified, we tend to mix up our love with a lot of dark, hateful, unhealthful, unwholesome, raging energies, too…and that’s just not good, either for our own body nor for the body of earth-mother. We know this.
    But we react again, and rage again, and justify this again, feel superior again, unconscious of the fact that this cultivating of the dark energy prevents us from attaining higher levels of truth-awareness, an awakening into which would give us a higher, more potent perspective from which to view and respond most economically and effectively.
    But…you are perfectly and beautifully unfolding and expressing, for you can never be separate from the real life-giving, nurturing, underlying real Source Love, A Truth/Reality more exquisitely Real and eternal than any words ever expressed in any language, in any religion, in any philosophy.
    In the midst of our (perceived) darkest nights, this One Real Light yet ever is shining—and our return to this Resplendent Home is as assured and inevitable (beyond the relative illusions of time-space) as is our own spawning Therefrom.
    It is judicious to remain ever open to an ever-deeper opening of the eye of our soul’s sight, that we may see ever more closely to the seeing of the Real One. You have never left the path, for you cannot leave your true path; but when you are in your lovingness, you are more fully centered, stable, and upwardly walking your truth, and your true path.
    Yes, my dear Julia, there are countless fleeting reasons for rage, pain and sadness—yet there remains one underlying, ever-present resplendent reason for gladness. Endless Blessednesses, J.

  14. Julia,
    It is nice to read your thoughts, as I lost touch with what you were up to since I last read something; I believe it was in a Yoga magazine. It is interesting to observe your thoughts and know that they are fleeting assessments of your immediate perceptions, but at heart no matter the absurdity and beauty of what you see outside of yourself it is a manifestation of the perfection that is within you. It takes that looking within to recharge our internal batteries or we run out of juice. I have always found you inspirational and my signed copy of your book and your picture that was taken with me at Bookstore Santa Cruz many years ago are some of my most prized possessions. Today when I wished a friend a Happy Thanksgiving he replied back that it is a day of Giving Thanks. Simple. I thanked him for that shift, as I saw the holiday completely differently. I love when whatever experience it is that gives me a shift in my perception to a more productive, healing, compassionate and loving outlook occurs. May you always be blessed with that beautiful heart of yours opening you up new realms of perception so that you are always going to deeper levels in the answer that comes to you as you ask yourself โ€œWhatโ€™s My Tree.โ€
    love gs.

  15. Julia,
    I’m from Brazil and I just read about you today here (http://www.mdig.com.br/index.php?itemid=7703). I fell like you do about nature. I dare to say I’m very, very proud of you. It’s an exemple like you that make me not to give up with humanity. Thank you for making me believe that there’s still a chance for the mankind.
    It would be very important for me if you could aswer my post if you have time.

  16. Love what you have written here. Sometimes I get disillusioned with humankind as well. Your writing reminded me that there are good, loving, animal admiring, nature respecting people in this world whom I can connect with. Your hike sounded wonderful. ๐Ÿ˜‰ peace and happiness;)

  17. I thought you’d like the message at this youtube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42E2fAWM6rA

    It was done by a 20 year old for an AARP contest. Be sure to listen to the whole thing because the message changes going backwards.

  18. Dearest Julia,

    I just came back from seeing a movie named “Avattar”, It made me feel and think about your deep connection with Luna… Please go see it…

    Much love and blessings,
    Dafna
    Israel


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: