No Time Like The Present

OK. So no matter how good my intentions are, the reality check is that I am just not going to get around to covering my Italy trip. I am in New Jersey after having been in New York for a week and then headed back to New York after my Jersey trip. I had such a wonderful, amazing, awful, gut-wrenching, annoying, disgusting, fabulous, incredible, beautiful, magical trip in Italy, and the reality is that I don’t have it in me to power out all the details of that and keep up with where I am now. So… I am choosing to be here now. Which means, I am choosing not to go into the Italy trip even though there is so much to tell.

So, to be here now. I am visiting a dear friend in New Jersey. It is beautiful here. So many trees. And the leaves are just beginning to change color. I did a benefit last night in New York City for my friend’s Kavitha and Jeff and their organization Common Fire. The event was in a penthouse in an eco-tower in NYC. It had a beautiful view of the river and the crazy city and the sun-set and the moon-rise. It was a cage with a grand view. The wild animal that I am can’t help but feel completely alien in moments like that. A cage, even one made of gold, is still a cage. And yet, so many people do not experience places like New York City as a cage. Somehow, the animals that we are are so adaptable, that after being in cages for a long time, we recognize them as home and don’t feel comfortable outside of them. But the wild animal that I am cries out for space, silence, sunshine, trees, ocean, sky, moon. The wild animal that I am feels protective walls building up around me as a way to handle the onslaught of sensory overload. I need space to breathe. I need space to be. I need space.

I took a fun test with my friends, Sharon and Julie the other day. I had to answer questions by placing an “x” in the appropriate box in lines with letters associated. There was one and only one column, where I had an “x” in every single box in that column. The column was the letter “I.” When the test was done, I asked Sharon, “What does ‘I’ stand for?” She laughed and smiled her knowing smile and said, “It stands for ‘Introvert’.” But of course. The irony of my life is that somehow I feel compelled to share my life, my experiences, my learnings with people, even though, what I most long for is silence, alone time, to disappear.

So I sit here in a kitchen in New Jersey, writing bits of pieces of windows of my reality knowing that when left to my own devices, like a wild animal, I just disappear.

Here is to the silence, the breathing, the being, the heartbeat creating a cadence that each of us must follow.



Published in: on October 1, 2009 at 4:07 am  Comments (7)  

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7 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Julia,
    Thankyou for all that you have done and lend your soul to!

    I have observed and admired you for years and years.
    I am a west coast native….(ashland,oregon/puget sound area)
    My family and I live over in the suburbs of philadelphia now, bucks county..
    I want you to know that you are always welcome to stay in our home if your journeys ever lead you towards this region. I don’t see if your giving any talks…where would I find this?
    Thankyou, Myra

  2. So many of my memories include staring out of windows at the L.I.E. slowly being buried at three a.m. by thick flakes in winter. Usually with a pen in my hand, yet too in awe and aching to express the duality that can sometimes be suffocating. Living fully in the present, I’ve found, has been the best way to remain in balance. Still, I can’t help but want to scream at times with nothing but stucco and glass around me – no matter the type of box, it is still a box such as your golden cage.

  3. Thanks Julia for saving the Redwood. You’re our Maeve!

    Soul of the Redwood
    by Tom Casey in Seattle

    If time ringed life within me the way it marks your years,
    my courage would stand as tall as yours and hold back amber tears
    that purify the daylight and protect you through the night
    when gales howl and thunder roars and cordite lightening strikes.

    If my roots tapped the earth like yours and drank from ancient springs,
    drawing strength from rich, dark soil while ravens and blue jays sing
    the songs of life and death and change that echo high and far
    beyond our brief encounter with this planet and its star.

    So when condors soar again above your summer canopy
    and salmon swim cool streams in June that run down to the sea,
    I know they’ll recognize you then as the Keeper of the Hours
    tho turns the months to centuries and hears the children’s prayer
    for one last chance to find a place in a new world twice restored
    where trees have souls and bear and elk and deer and wolves come home.

  4. Hi Julia!
    Where in the world do you live now? I’ve (albeit loosely) followed your treks ever since the Luna days way back when. Both of us may have a few more grays…but we’re still rabble-rousing in our own ways! Rock on!

  5. ciao julia !!!
    it’s nice to know there are people like you, a greeting from Italy, love.


  6. Julia, can I help you implement a functionality to search your posts, something that is not possible at the moment…

    Peace Out…

  7. Hi Anderson,

    i am a ludite when it comes to computers. i am going to be enfolding my blog into my website soon, so we will see what happens then. If it still has no search function, then you can let me know and i will connect you with my website person to make that function possible.

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