Thank You and Please Don’t “Fix” Me

Tears flow from a seemingly endless reservoir…

i know things will be fine.

i don’t need to be told.

It is patronizing

when the heart hurts this much

to try to “fix” me…

when all there is to do

is cry until I feel I might die in it.

 

I know there is nothing “True”

and all pain and suffering comes from

illusions of the mind.

i know to breathe, notice, let it go…

i don’t need to be told.

i don’t need to be told,

“This too shall pass.”

 

In this moment,

what is “true”

is that I am feeling

a deep and intense and overwhelming

sadness and grief…

and tears

that feel like razor blades

dismembering my heart and gut

wishing to die

because living in this pain is so much worse.

And yes, I know, I know, I know—

i am just dying to self,

dying to ego,

dying to letting go of illusion.

 

I don’t need to be told.

It is patronizing

when the heart hurts this much

to try to “fix” me.

 

It is patronizing

when the heart hurts this much

to try to “fix” me.

 

Please just let me be.

 

Don’t try to fix me.

 

Please just let me be.

And if you feel so moved…

maybe just love me…

without needing anything in return.

Without words even.

Just love me.

Because if there is anything that will

ease this sadness,

it is that soft energetic feeling,

like a gentle blanket,

of being held

without restraint, constraint, or restrictions,

rules or regulations,

qualifiers or quantifiers, or the need to teach or preach…

just that soft feeling of being held and loved.

 

For no reason.

For nothing earned or deserved.

For no reason.

 

And meanwhile I will sit here,

with tears pouring out of the hole in my soul

as my heart shatters and

my gut is sliced and spilling out into the abyss…

 

 

julia butterfly hill c January  23, 2014

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Published in: on January 24, 2014 at 12:54 am  Comments (10)  

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10 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I watch and wait and sing wordless tunes

  2. .
    .
    .

    Love, Dave

  3. Just holld you in peace.

  4. When you try your best but you don’t succeed
    When you get what you want but not what you need
    When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep
    Stuck in reverse

    When the tears come streaming down your face
    When you lose something you can’t replace
    When you love someone but it goes to waste
    Could it be worse?

    Lights will guide you home
    And ignite your bones
    And I will try to fix you

    High up above or down below
    When you’re too in love to let it go
    If you never try you’ll never know
    Just what you’re worth

    Lights will guide you home
    And ignite your bones
    And I will try to fix you

    Tears come streaming down your face
    When you lose something you cannot replace
    Tears come streaming down your face
    And I

    Tears come streaming down your face
    I promise you I will learn from all my mistakes
    Tears come streaming down your face
    And I

    Lights will guide you home
    And ignite your bones
    And I will try to fix you…

  5. I know your birthday is coming upnext month, I hear your voice in your poem, z : )) Just a little wish for you from Zalobar, May you stay, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg

  6. Sorry, I hit you with the wrong link even though it does apply, z : )) This is my wish for you, forever. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNx2rH6hHog

  7. ….

  8. Dear Julia,
    Thank you for expressing my own, and many others’, feelings so perfectly. These arms also reaching out, holding too. I have no answers, nor heard of any.
    -bholanath/phil

    http://pashupatisasana.blogspot.com/2014/01/my-mental-problem-with-tradition.html

  9. I love you, Butterfly.

  10. …when the drop of love trickles down the melting heart, the angels in heaven run down to count and keep a record. No drop of precious love is ever wasted.
    …Life is progressive on the steps of love, and there is a time significant for every step in love, every plane of love brings fulfillment to the corresponding plane of evolution.
    All love, in every phase of every drop of it, is significant in life.
    —His Holiness Maharishi Mahesh Yogi


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