Loving For No Reason

Even in the face of, “Love Is All There Is” my heart breaks, and my woundedness arises. I “know” all the “Truth of Transformation and Oneness.” But to “know” and to BE it 100% of the time are two completely different things. I am a human being. And the human condition includes the challenge, the tension, between, the knowing, the being, and the doing.

I write as I live: Raw, Real, and Wide-Open. Sometimes I am soft and yielding. Sometimes I am fierce and forceful. Sometimes I inspire people. Sometimes I piss them off. Sometimes, people judge the hell out of me. Sometimes people put me on pedestals.

I write because I have been doing it in one form or another for most of my life. It is cathartic and teaching for me. I started sharing it publicly because people requested that I do. And my prayer is that in my sharing, that it helps in some way. Even if it pisses people off. Maybe they will learn something from that. And maybe they won’t. Maybe I will. And maybe I won’t.

Because I am a public person, and I put it “ALL” out there, I get SO much and So many projections. I do my best to look for the gems of what rings as “truth” to me and compost the rest. Even in all the accolades and positive reflections, I learned early on to know that even that is not all me. It is enticing to want to accept all of the goodness—it feels so good to one’s heart… and one’s ego. It is enticing to shove away all the negative and angry remarks—I am a human being after all, and I have a ridiculously sensitive heart…it is both my gift and my curse. But if I were to take on ALL the goodness reflected, I would very quickly become someone I would not want to be. Because I am human I have my shadow side, my far less than perfect side. And if I do not claim and own that part of myself as well then I very quickly become dis-eased because I am actually no longer whole. If I take on the negative too much, I end up trying to be the “pleaser” which is not authentic either. So, I do my best to look into every comment for the gems and then compost the rest—because then it can still serve. : ) Different from resisting or shoving away or ignoring, composting requires attention and intention to become the rich fertile soil of my soul. I do not always succeed at my commitments. But I do my best to learn from my failures and grow from them.

And I continue to share it all: the best, the worst, the silly, the profound, the hurt, the joy, the anger, and the love. Because it is all me. Those who wish, read. Those who do not, sometimes read just to see if they can find a new way to attack and poke fun at me. : ) My we humans are such fascinating creatures. And I am completely including myself in the “we.”

I am in such an interesting place right now. SO much is coming up for me on so many levels. Some of it is bringing untold amounts of joy, some of it is pushing every one of my buttons—hell, some of it is jumping up and down on the buttons. : )

And so I write. To get outside some of what is inside, so I might potentially get a better view. And sometimes, just so I can clear some space for newness to arise.

Even when I am hurt and angry and cynical, sooner or later, I always return to choosing love. For NO REASON. I made a commitment with the Universe many years ago now. I am here to live a life of integrity and loving, joyous, service. There is no “reason” attached to that purpose. I choose to love for the sake of loving. I choose joy for the sake of joy. I choose service for the sake of service. There is no asterisk, exemption, exception clause in my compact with the Cosmos, even though sometimes I behave that way. And so when I do. When I notice my anger and cynicism is filling up the space, I know that I have attached “reasons” to my purpose—which means I am, wait for it, drum roll…. OUT OF INTEGRITY!!! Damn!

Sometimes, my fierceness is misinterpreted as anger or cynicism when that is not the truth at all. Sometimes my fierceness is anger and cynicism. My job is to pay attention, know the difference, remain present and allow myself to be me—all of me—even as I am committed to always growing me to the best of my ability. To “own” what is mine to own and to compost what is not.

I appreciate people’s comments in all their myriad forms because I learn from them. Even when I get hurt or triggered by them or when they are sweet and loving. I am committed to learning from it all.

I hope and pray that others learn too—even if not from my writing but from one another’s comments. There are gems in all of it for all of us—if we only care to look and choose it as learning. Even when people get mad or angry or “nauseated” as some have said by my writing, if they choose, they can learn something from that. But that’s not my work. My work is to do my best to live my life on purpose, notice when I am not, learn what I need to learn and integrate that learning so that I might become ever more the person I am committed to Being and Doing!

With Love For No Reason,

julia

Published in: on August 15, 2010 at 11:24 pm  Comments (23)  

When There Are No Answers

When There Are No Answers

When love is all there is
Why do I fall for the illusion
Of other than
When love is all there is
Why do I run away in fear
When love is all there is
How do I look into the eyes of a rapist
And not be filled with rage
When love is all there is
How do I look into the eyes of a child molester
And not want to make them suffer
Torment for the rest of their lives
When love is all there is
How do I not want to scream and rage
At all the violence and oppression
Disguised as religion
When love is all there is
How do I try to not commit suicide again
Because of all the extreme pain and suffering
When love is all there is
How do I stay sane in a world
Where people own their own private islands
While other people survive on less than
A dollar day
When love is all there is
How do I keep from going mad
at the way most people trash the planet every day
When love is all there is
How do I keep from turning in hopelessness
Every time i hear another human is being brought into the world
That already has too many people on it
When love is all there is
How do i keep myself from wanting to make people suffer
The same way they make animals suffer everyday for their “food”
When love is all there is
How do I reconcile all that is not love

Julia butterfly hill August 2010

Published in: on August 11, 2010 at 5:29 am  Comments (19)  

Potent Quotes, Cool Music

Hi Friends,
This is a video with cool music and some pretty rockin’ quotes. You will however, have to overlook the mostly cheesy artwork.

Enjoy.

http://www.inspirationz.com/

Published in: on August 10, 2010 at 7:54 pm  Leave a Comment  

The Quickest Way To Die Is To Be Born

I am made of dust
And I am made of stars
I am made of peace
And I am made of wars

I am Divinity
Beyond what minds can comprehend
I am small and scared
Feeling I have to defend

I am the dance of duality
Tripping over myself
Figuring out me
And then realizing there’s no such thing

It all feels so pointless
Because it is

Because it is

We make it up
Make believe
As if we make enough noise
We buy our reprieve

The quickest way to die
Is to be born
The surest way to die
Is to be born

So what am I afraid of
That I am not worthy of love
It scares me worse than death
Death does not scare me

The quickest way to die
Is to be born
The surest way to die
Is to be born

It all feels so pointless
Because it is

Because it is

The quickest way to die is to be born

julia butterfly hill August 2010

Published in: on August 4, 2010 at 7:46 am  Comments (22)  
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