Gifts Hidden in Pain

Hi Friends,

I have been managing moderate to severe pain in my body since I was a teenager due to bone and structural issues.  I have done so much physical therapy, yoga, swimming, bicycling, herbs, tinctures, vitamins, etc… much of which has helped me manage the pain, but nevertheless, I do not remember a completely pain-free day since I was a teenager.

 

Travel always exacerbates the issues, which makes travelling for me a real challenge.  A few nights ago, I was in severely intense pain.  After years of dealing with it, I have a pretty high threshold for pain.  After going three nights with almost no sleep because of the intensity, I was starting to break down and literally started crying.  I was exhausted beyond belief and the pain was only getting worse with each passing moment.  I went out in search of a place that would be open at nearly 11pm that would have some kind of relief (a frozen juice can to use as an ice pack for my lower back and neck and some kind of anti-inflammatory as I had run out.)

 

As I rode around from one closed place to another I prayed and asked the Universe to please, please, please help me find a place that would be open and have what I need and to help me get out of the pain that was all-consuming at this point.  I eventually came across a grocery store that was open until 11pm, and I had just enough time to get in—and thank all the powers that be, they had anti-inflammatory medicine along with the frozen juice can.  I nearly started crying again (those of you who know me, know I cry easily) but this time from pure joy and gratitude that some relief was on the way.

 

I walked up to the checkout with my two items and in front of me was a man with about 10 items.  I saw a hearing aid in his ear as he turned to me and kindly gestured with his hands to see if I wanted to go in front of him.  I smiled and looked him in the eyes so he could read my lips, and said, no thank you, I am fine, thanks so much and I signed “Thank You” to him as it is one of the signs I know. 

 

I chatted with the woman who was working the lane as I always try to do to show appreciation and interest in the person.  She asked me if I had their club card to be able to get a discount on the medicine.  I told her, thank you, but I do not as I do not live in the area, but I appreciated her checking.  She looked at me for a moment, smiled really big and said, “Here, I can do this,” and pressed a couple buttons, which gave me a discount anyway.  She looked back at me and said, “That is to go towards helping you feel better very, very soon!”  I was so deeply touched and humbled that she seemed to sense how much pain I was in and wanted to be a positive contribution in some way (just as the man in front of me also wanted to be a positive contribution by inviting me to go first.)

 

The first thing I did when I got out to my rental car was open the anti-inflammatory medicine and took two with my water.  I sighed with gratitude, as I knew it would kick in within the hour, and I would start to have some relief at least.

 

I pulled out of the parking lot, heading back to where I was staying and saw the man from the checkout walking down the street holding his bags.  I pulled over in front of him, rolled down the window and gestured would he like a ride?  He nodded his head and pointed to the direction he needed to go and I smiled and nodded my head yes, so he would know I was ok with taking him in that direction.  (And yes, before anyone decides to lecture me about the dangers of being on my own and picking up a male in the middle of the night, I am all too aware of the dangers, but I have also learned in my life to listen to my gut instincts which have always steered me in all the right directions if I am tuned in enough and clear enough to discern.)

 

He got in the car and signed for each turn as well as made sounds, and I nodded my head each time, so he would know I understood.  He finally held up his hand with the stop gesture and I stopped the car, turned to him smiled, and waved my hand goodbye as I said “Goodnight.”  Even though he could not really speak, his sounds were sometimes understandable and he said “Thank You” in a way I knew that was what he was saying and also signed “Thank You.”  I smiled really big, nodding, and signed “Your Welcome” although what I truly meant was, “My joy and pleasure.”   Although it was dark and not a lot of light in the car, his smile was beaming as he all of a sudden reached over to me and gave me the biggest hug!  As he got out of the car, I smiled to him and waved goodbye.

 

As I drove off, turning around to get back to where I was going, I burst out into tears again, but this time from such profound, humble gratitude.  I had begged the Universe for help with getting out of the pit of pain I was in, and so I was sent two human angels to help.  My interaction with the incredible kindness of these “strangers in the night” had literally pulled me out of that pit.  During my whole interaction with them, although my pain was still very present, it had lost its intense, making me feel like I had to throw up, wanting to die, feeling. 

 

So yes, the Universe had sent me anti-inflammatory medicine and a frozen juice can in the middle of the night to help me get out of the severity of the pain, but as an even bigger bonus, I had been sent two angels, one, in the form of a deaf man who spoke the language of the heart, the purest language for which words are never even necessary. 

 

As I write down this story, tears of gratitude are flowing yet again as I am present to the miracle of this man, the checkout lady, and that moment (I am SUCH a softy!)  I pray that they both receive the loving kindness ten thousands fold that so naturally are a part of them and flows from them. 

 

I am on tour right now and the pain gets harder to deal with each passing year.  But the gift of that experience reminds me yet again of the goodness that is all around if we only participate in it and share it with others.  The more goodness, kindness, compassion, love, joy, and peace we express in the world, the more we can be in the flow of those very same things. 

 

I am reminded that I want to see how many ways I can be an “angel” to others every day.  My invitation and request to you is that you do the same.  Imagine our lives, the goodness and richness available to us and to those around us if we look for ways to be anonymous “gifters” of presence, love, joy, peace, kindness, compassion, and service.

 

There truly are “Angels Among Us.”  And… they ARE US!

 

Love and Gratitude,

 

Julia

 

PS.  Click here to listen to my gorgeous inside and out Dear Friend and Sister Spirit, Jillian Speer and her song “Angel Among Us.”

 

http://www.myspace.com/jillianspeermusic/music/songs/angel-among-us-20176593   

 

 

 

 

Warning: Could Be Offensive To Some

Oh… i had the best intentions… i was going to write every day… well if not very day, then at least frequently… well if not frequently…           …            …………….

And as the saying goes, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”  i guess i have driven myself straight to hell at this point.  

Well, as i told my mother once (who is ultra fundamentalist conservative Christian), “i am glad i am going to hell, because the thought of spending eternity with most of the people who call themselves ‘Christians’ is my idea of hell (and for clarity’s sake, ‘Christian’ being a follower of Christ and yet how few actually follow Jesus’ life and teachings.  i am mostly super, duper down with Jesus–minus a few things– it is his hypocritical followers who make me want to throw up and scream and rage.)  And considering most of the people i admire and enjoy are also going to ‘hell’ according to Christian beliefs, i would much rather spend eternity there!  My kind of place for sure!”  ; )

But unlike my being ok with going to ”hell”, i am not ok with good intentions.  Good intentions without proper follow-through is for people who do not want to take responsibility for their lives or their roles in co-creating their reality and the world they leave behind.  Good intentions without right action and commitment is someone looking for excuses.

So, i am not looking for excuses or a “get out of jail free” card.  i am clear i made a well-intended commitment, and then i am equally clear, i did not keep my commitment.  i have a hundred and one very “good” reasons, but at the end of the day, i am committed to being much, much bigger than reasons and justifications.  i am committed to being a person of my word.  i am committed to being a person of integrity.  And i am clear that when it comes to my word around writing, i 100% failed to be a person of my word.  

i only wish i had a recorder in my head because of the 101 times i have “written” something in my mind.  It is the moving from mind to matter in the realm of writing that seems to be a stumbling block for me.  And yet, i love the writing process.  i love getting outside of myself what is inside so that i might more clearly look at it and learn from it.  And if it makes a positive difference for someone else, then bonus.  But since, i clearly have no integrity around my commitment to writing, i hereby end that commitment.  i refuse to pave any more roads to hell regardless of how fine i am with ending up there.  : )  

It was an interesting experiment.  One at which i failed miserably.  i am glad i tried even though i failed.  Sometimes that happens in life. But, i am committed to being a person of my word and since i clearly can’t seem to keep my word around writing, i must admit my failure and its impact and move on.  

For those who do consider themselves Christian, this past weekend marked Jesus resurrected from the grave.  Stories are very powerful, and i love when stories hold a deep meaning for us.  i do not adhere to the literal translation of the Christian story of Easter, but the mythology of it is poignant and powerful…  death is never an end… it is merely part of an ever-evolving transformation.  Just as in the other-than-human world, death is not an end to something, but rather it is food for something new to grow (think compost.)  So, too, this mythos of the Christ resurrected.  When we bring attention and intention to anything that is dying or ending, what we find is something new that wants to grow, emerge, and transform from the process.  Death is never an absolute end to something unless we miss the deeper meanings and connections that is life.  

So, the end of my commitment to writing is not really the end… it is just the beginning of something new.  What that new thing is has yet to show itself, but i can commit that i am looking forward to uncovering what that is and then committing completely to whatever “that” is.  

Here is to the rebirth possible for all of us when we hold ourselves completely committed to being people of our word and to recognizing that death is indeed an integral part of life.

Love,

 

julia

 

Tempus Fugit

My how the days fly by.  I mean to write something every day, but then a week has passed and nothing gets written.  I get so busy LIVING my life, that I don’t always do the best job of documenting it.  I do the same with taking pictures.  I bring cameras with me all the time, but one would never know it because very rarely does the camera actually make it out of the case and into my hand for a photo.   And I am the exact same with writing recipes when I cook.  I am so into the process that if I try to stop to write down what I am doing, it doesn’t come out the same.  No matter how many times people ask me for a cookbook, I can’t seem to be able to create recipes (nor do I use them actually ; )

 

 

I turned 39 years old on February 18^th.  I am most known for having lived in a tree for 2 years.  That was 14 years ago that I returned to Terra Firma.  14 years.  So very, very much has happened in those years.  I have travelled to many different countries and all over the US doing what I know to do to support the people, places, animals, and causes that I care deeply for and doing my best to inspire people into caring, conscious, committed ACTION.  I have been locked up in jail in the US and thrown into prison in Ecuador.  I have helped plant gardens and done what I could to protect others from being destroyed.  I have helped start a few different organizations, helped launch numerous more, coached even more, and have raised millions of dollars for organizations all across the US and all over the world.  I have sat with children and with elders and every age in between. I have worked on political campaigns and in peaceful, direct action and civil disobedience.  I have loved deeply and fiercely and have had my share of heartbreak and grief.  I have struggled to find health and home and to figure out how to care for my personal ecology in the midst of all I have done and continue to do for the external ecology.  I have learned to surf (although not so good at it ; ) and to scuba dive.  I have made many delicious meals for friends and FRamily.  I have acted kind, caring, and committed; and I have acted mean and hateful and apathetic.  14 years has flown by. 

 

 

39 years in some ways have flown by and in other ways feel like lifetimes.  I have had such a crazy wild ride of a life.  Back in the day when there were negotiations for a theatrical film about my life (never happened) I thought how crazy it was that in my late 20’s to early 30’s there was the possibility there was going to be a LIFE STORY about my life at 20 to 30 years old!  CRAZY!  And now, I am almost in my 40’s.  A whole new decade approaches.  I do feel like I have lived lifetimes in my almost 40 years.  My friends—from BEFORE Luna days—used to tell me I should write a book about my life because of all that happened to me leading up to what I am now semi-famous for.  And then there is the book that was written, mostly about a 2-year stretch of my life.  And now I am doing boring things like trying to grow my own food in the tropics and swimming in the sea and fixing things that fall apart and decay and rust (because that is a constant in the tropics.)  Of course, I still do a whole lot of work on behalf of all I care about, but I have definitely carved out a whole lot more time for myself and my own well-being. 

 

After coming down from Luna, I got so sick of people always asking me what my “next big thing” was going to be.  I got to the point where I started asking people in response, what their FIRST big thing was going to be!  I did not climb Luna to break records, become semi-famous, try to become some kind of leader, have people set me on pedestals or rip me off them.  I climbed Luna and ended up staying because it was all I knew to do to try to make a difference.   BT, DT, and AT (Before Tree, During Tree, and After Tree) seem to now be the segments of my life.  It’s weird and sometimes frustrating as all get out, but I guess the same goes for a lot of people who go through some major thing in their life.  I may always be known as, “The Girl Who Lived In The Tree,” but to me, I am just the girl living.  Living my life the way I feel called.  Paying attention to the times, I have strayed from that and made choices out of feelings of obligation or just because I was too tired to try to stand up for myself.  I have tattooed to my wrist now, “To Thine Own Self Be True” to remind me that that is my highest calling.  To be true to myself does not mean perfection and it doesn’t mean trying to make every else happy.  At 39 years old, I feel like maybe, just maybe, I am finally catching up with my own life—even as it still seems to fly so very, very fast right on by.

 

Here is to truly living our lives in our most radically authentic and loving way possible, and to remembering to appreciate the miracles and magic of the moments…because they do seem to fly so very, very fast by.

 

Love,

julia

The Gift That Continues Giving

Hello Friends,

In case you did not read my blog post last month, 2 dear friends/family FRamily asked for their friends to do something out of the ordinary in kindness in honor of their birthdays.  I was so touched by their generosity in the face of tragedy (spurred by the shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary School) that i wanted to truly stretch beyond my normal giving nature, so i chose to donate to a different organization each month for a year.  To see the inspiration behind my commitment, go to:  http://28acts.tumblr.com/ 

Last month, i contributed to the Winnemem Wintu.  This month, i am contributing to another amazing Native American organization Honor The Earth 

www.honorearth.org 

There are so many reasons to support Native People’s organizations– from giving back to those who have had their sacred places and homes stolen and destroyed, to honoring and supporting those who have had a deep relationship to being one with a place, and the list goes on and on.  Another reason i have given often over the years to various Native organizations and communities is because one of the ways racism shows up in the environmental movement is that LESS than 2% of ALL environmental funding goes to Native People.  So, for me as a person who cares deeply for the Earth and comes from white European descent, it is absolutely crucial to my integrity and to all i care about, to contribute in this way.

A truly fantastic organization is Honor The Earth– working on Energy Justice, Youth Leadership, and Building Resilience.  In the words of a woman i have so much deep appreciation for, Winona Laduke, “Power is in the earth; it is in your relationship to the earth.”

It is my joy and honor to support the important work of Honor The Earth this month in my year-long commitment to contributing to the work i care deeply about.

As we approach Valentine’s Day, please show some love for Honor The Earth by joining me in financially supporting their work (any level of contribution is a true gift.)  

Or if another organization’s work is really speaking to you right now, please make a Love Offering this month in honor and support of their work.

Love and Gratitude,

julia

 

Love Is In The Air

Hi Friends,

 

I came across this article today, and I love it on so many levels. As it is a Sunday and so many people who call themselves Christians (followers of Christ) see this as a very important and religious day, I felt it was even more important to post this today.  Jesus’ teaching was so much focused on love and kindness and inclusion. My heart breaks at the amount of hypocrisy in the religion and how it seems so few of his followers seem to truly live his teachings:

http://feministing.com/2013/02/09/woman-from-fox-news-accidental-same-sex-wedding-picture-speaks-out/

 

May all beings everywhere, be happy, peaceful, and free.  And this includes the freedom to be with and marry (or not) whomever we feel called and compelled by love to. 

 

Love,

 

julia

In Honor Of Home

Today i picked up friends who have come to visit.  My one friend i have not seen in years.  She and i have known each other since the days of the Luna action. i am so thrilled to be able to host her and her partner in my home.  i am thrilled that i have a home to host them in.

For many, many years i have been moving from one place to the next, never really putting down roots.   After doing that for so long, i started to desire a place to “nest.”  

As i sit here writing this, one sweet kitty, Fabio, purrs near me on his perch.  He likes being close by me much of the time.  His sister, CiCi, is hanging out in her favorite room upstairs.  She likes to know she can come find me when she wants, but definitely is more of the loner and enjoys her little hiding perches.  i knew once i felt able to be a guardian to a furry friend, that for sure would be the sign that i was putting down roots. 

i know that “home is where your heart it” and “home is where you hang your hat” and other such cheezy, well-meaning lines, but the reality for me is that after spending so much of my life never completely unpacking, living out of storage units, and staying with friends, i really longed for a place to call my little spot, my home, my place where i can have a well-stocked kitchen, a garden, and cats (these being in my highest priority categories of what makes a place feel like home.)  

And speaking of kitchens (and as an ode to all of you who constantly tell me you love when i post about food ; )  today, i made my friends veggie soft tacos.  The only thing is, if you have never had tortillas made from fresh ground corn masa, you don’t know what a real tortilla experience is.  The difference between tortillas made from corn flour vs. tortillas made from ground whole kernels of corn can not be put into words… but i will try… it is like the difference between a Ferrari and a Fiat, an outfit made of polyester on a hot day or one of brushed organic cotton, hemp, or flax, a $5 bottle of wine or a $500 bottle (ok maybe a $50 bottle but you know what i mean ; ) Yes, really, no joke, BIG, HUGE difference!!!  

So, on our amazing fresh corn tortillas, we piled sauteed veggies, hummus (yes, my famous hummus ; ), avocado, lettuce, tomatoes, and hot sauce.  AND, as if that were not enough, we ate them on my new roof deck overlooking the Caribbean Sea and the second largest barrier reef in the world on one side, the lagoon with all kinds of birds on the other, and parakeets, pelicans, and cormorants flying above us.  Yep… that’s my kind of meal!

Although, i get and appreciate the importance of appreciating wherever i am (as in, “Home is where your heart is), i am so deeply grateful for and loving the opportunity i have now to have finally unpacked from all my boxes, have a garden, and a well-stocked kitchen with which to feed people i love.  It makes a world of difference for the small world of “Julia.”

 

Love, Laughter, and Good Food,

 

julia

 

Blah, Blah, Blah, etc… : )

Hi Friends,

 

i sit down to write with nothing in my mind to write, but i want to keep to trying to write even when i have nothing to write.

My, how many “write”s can i fit in one sentence?  Well, apparently 4.  : )

i really need to try to start writing earlier in the day.  These last days, i get so tired early that  i can’t seem to generate interesting and creative things to write.  

Upcoming blogs will cover food, friends, fun, and awesome organizations that i support and work with in various ways.

OK, that’s it.  That’s my big posting for today.  ; )

Love,

 

julia

Hidden Gifts… AKA… Poisonous Rash

Hi Friends,

 

My desire to write something interesting and worthwhile is tempered with the reality that i am dealing with blisters, bursting, pouring toxic liquid allover my itching, burning body.  Ah, yes, the joys of poisonous plants.  Or in my case, dirt.  Yep, my karma is that i don’t get a form of poison ivy from the tree.  i get it from dirt.  

i have been trying every form of everything recommended and no sooner than i clear it up in one spot then it bursts out in another. 

As i sat here wondering if i was going to be able to post anything meaningful, i asked the poison to teach me beyond the physical. Because i know that nothing happens for a reason.  No really nothing happens for a reason.  Anyone who tells you otherwise is missing a crucial component.  The reality is, everything happens.  That’s it.  Everything happens, and the reason is what we make of it.  We are the ones that create the reason. 

So the reality is i got a bumpy, boiling, bursting, itching rash.  i get to choose a reason, so this time i asked it to teach me something.  And what is showed me is that i (and most, if not all of us) have toxins hidden inside of us.

i did not get the poisonous rash from the plant itself.  i got it from working with sacks of soil that somehow had the poison hidden in the soil.  

i think about the life coaching i do with people.  i LOVE the coaching experience.  i truly LOVE it on so many levels!!  And one of the most common areas we look at and work on, is the hidden places in ourselves that set us up for failure.  Those hidden toxins that hide behind things we think are “fine.”  

They are the toxins that keep popping up over and over until we uncover the source, the root, and work on healing from the ground, up and the inside, out.  

Just like this poisonous rash that was hidden in sacks of soil, what toxins from our past lie hidden inside of ourselves, popping up over and over again–maybe wearing different maks–but basically being the same issue showing up over and over again?

So, as i sit here trying not to scratch myself into bloody oblivion, i am inviting in the wisdom to look into my life and see what toxins lie hidden from my first and immediate view, so that i might heal and transform them.  

 

If i must deal with the physical hell of this itching, burning, rash, then the least i can do is get some good lessons from it.

 

May we all look with fierce love into the hidden parts of ourselves to uncover the toxins that lie there, not so we might judge, but rather heal and transform, so that the soil of our souls can become the healthy, fertile gardens we are meant and called to be.

Love,

 

julia

Writing Just For the Sake Of Writing

Yes.  It is true.  i missed another posting.  That makes three.  Am i out?

Well, i am very much enjoying the challenge of the writing process, even though i have missed some days. Sometimes, days just fly by and before i know it, the day is over without having written anything.  (Yes, i know that’s a lot of “days” in only two sentences.  ; )

As it turns out, tonight, i am tired and although i had things i was going to write, it just isn’t going to happen tonight.  But, i wanted to write something just so another day did not go by with me failing on my commitment to write every day. 

As an aside note, i got a form of poison oak/ivy from dirt sacks that i got to plant some fruit trees in my yard.  Well, actually, it’s not too far an aside as that is part of why i am tired, from not sleeping great last night as my face, neck, and hands are covered in the itching, burning rash.  Oh, what fun!

So, that is my post.  Life is sometimes profound and sometimes just mundane, every day, running errands, and dealing with poisonous rashes.  There are some people who try to make mundane things all kinds of profound.  And sometimes, i am in to that too.  But not tonight. Tonight, i have written, i have slathered myself in a ground-up poultice of a plant that helps pull out the toxins from the rash, and now, i will go to sleep.

 

Good night.

 

Love,

 

julia 

To The Creator In All Of Us!

Hi Friends,

For those of you keeping track, yes indeed, i missed yet another posting day in my commitment to write every day.

i gave myself the challenge inspired by my fantastic teacher in college, “Teach.”  

i am really thriving in the challenge actually.  i am the kind of person who does better with challenges–it makes me work harder and better than i do without  them (hence choosing to spend an extraordinary amount of time living in an over 1,000 year old ancient elder tree for over two years : )

My commitment to writing every day is really inspiring my creativity and thoughtfulness as well which i am so grateful for.  My creative side is vital to my aliveness, so anything that encourages and inspires that in me is welcome.

Thinking of creativity makes me reflect on how in the US, we seem to have unlimited amount of funds for weapons and war, yet all the arts and creativity are being cut out of schools because of lack of funds.  i had a challenging childhood, and art was absolutely critical in my ability to express and work through the difficulties i experienced.  So here we are, cutting funding for creative expression–ways for young people to work through the complexities of our world– and instead, overspending on war and violence.  It is any wonder that there is so much violence erupting in our world?

 

BT, DT, and AT (Before Tree, During Tree, and After Tree– the three segments of my life ; ) i have always done things to support the arts for communities in need.  Nature is creative– it is in our nature to create.  So arts are not a privilege, they are a right.

 

i am going to post some links to some truly wonderful organizations working on connecting arts with underserved communities.  Check them out, be inspired, and if so moved, please support them with green energy.  Also, please look into your community and see if there is an arts organization serving communities who might otherwise be left out of creative opportunities and support them!!

 

http://www.youthink.org/main.html  This is an AWESOME organization that brings together arts, service, and personal leadership development.  i have supported them for many years and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that I have the opportunity to do so.

 

http://www.avam.org/ If you ever are anywhere near Baltimore, you MUST go to this museum!!  You will be so inspired!  They have an incredible after school program that supports youth from underserved communities, and even much of their staff come from communities who are often excluded from right livelihood opportunities.  This is another organization i am HUGELY passionate about and have done various things over the years to support them, their mission, their vision, and all that they serve.

 

http://unitedrootsoakland.org/  i have done numerous fundraisers for this organization in its various forms.  It is so inspiring because it combines eco-consciousness with caring for youth and empowering them through the arts. 

 

Please remember, arts are not a privilege they are a right.  And they are right that are absolutely vital to making our world a better, more beautiful and caring place!!  Please, please, please, either support one of these organizations or support one in your community… or both!!!

 

Love and Creativity,

 

juliia