Broken Feet, Open Heart

A couple weeks ago, after a year of rehabilitative work, I chose to have reconstructive surgery on my feet. After close to three years of being in pain, I was ready to undergo surgery. My doctor is fabulous as are my community who have supported me on the journey of healing.

I literally had my bones broken with a saw and re-aligned. The first two days, I was in an incredible amount of pain. The pain meds did not work for me, so I eventually was in so much pain, that my body went into convulsions. Fun. Woohoo. Party On Pain.

I kept telling myself that I was squishing what would have been years of ongoing pain into a very short window. It helped me get through, and now I am on the other side. Now, I am in that fussy baby stage where I can’t seem to get comfortable or sleep. More fun. Woohoo.

Through it all, though, I am so profoundly grateful that I am surrounded by a circle of Framily (a name my friend told me for the people in our lives who are friend/family.) I have been held with such love and support, that there have been moments where I am challenged with just receiving.

My life has been quite a journey. There have been so many times where I have wanted (and in some cases tried) to not be here anymore. I am deeply sensitive, and it hurts an awful lot sometimes for me to be in this world. And yet, during times like what I am currently going through, I am humbled and reminded how blessed I am, and how very much I have to be grateful for.

I have the best Framily a person could hope for. And, I have a mother and grandmother who are keeping me in their prayers and prayer groups. I am held with so much love.

My prayer for my life is that at the end of my life in physical form, I have given and received love beyond what I know and understand to be possible. If I could pick 3 words that I am remembered by, it would be “Love in Action.”

My deepest love and gratitude to my Framily, Family, and all those who live love in action.

julia b

Published in: on July 13, 2009 at 4:18 am Leave a Comment

Mexico and No Swine Flu or Drug Wars

Quiet moments
steal out from under me
on the wings of chirping birds
and crashing waves.

How is it that this place,
so alive with sound,
is yet so filled with peace.

I machete the coconut,
drinking the Divine liquid
elixer hidden inside.
Splitting it open,
i scoop out
some young, tender coco-meat for me,
leaving plenty for the myriad of birds
hiding in the bushes
awaiting their turn–
Golden-Breasted, Metallic Blue and Green, On-Fire Orange–
the list is endless.

i add raw, organic agave and water to the coco-meat,
and puree it all together,
adding vanilla and a hint of cinnamon
until it is custard consistency.

Scoop into a glass container
and drizzle with agave and cinnamon on top
and place in refrigerator.

Time to serve guests, i layer the custard
with bananas and mangoes
and spoon into individual bowls.

i love the moment of silence while mouths are filled
followed by the widening of eyes and smiles
and the groaning, “mmmmmmmmm, delicious!”

i am meant to be in a place like this.
i thrive here.
And so does all the life around me.

i can overlook the mosquito war zone of my body,
when victory has such sweet rewards.

Quiet moments and crashing waves dance together
with hot sun and cool breeze,
tart limone and pungent papaya,
sweet cocos and spicy chiles…
this land of duality
is the perfect accompaniment
to my life’s path.

i am meant to be in a place like this.
i thrive here.
And so does all the life around me.

julia butterfly hill June 2009

To see where i stayed:
http://www.casavivatroncones.com/

and where i am moving:
http://www.playaviva.com/

Published in: on June 1, 2009 at 3:13 pm Comments (7)

A Poem Written For A Dear Friend

Hi All,

This is a poem that came through me inspired by and written for a very dear friend of mine. I feel like some of you may like it too, so i share it with you as well.

Love,

jb

Sometimes
When I think of you
I am filled with so much love
That my heart aches and
Splits into a million pieces
Of humble gratitude

Published in: on May 11, 2009 at 2:26 am Comments (7)

Tour

Hi Friends,

I was in the wet and cold of Milwaukee, Wisconson. I had a full and lovely day beginning with a tour and lunch with the wonderful folks at the Urban Ecology Center (www.urbanecologycenter.org). I so enjoyed the visit partly because the people were funny and very interesting. But also, they are an absolutely fantastic model of what is possible when we see caring for our Planet and caring for our Human Communities as inextricably linked.

They are housed in a really cool building filled and built with a majority of reused resources. From the office furniture to most of the walls, floors, tables, etc… almost all of it was saved from going to the landfil by taking what was no longer wanted by a school, business, or construction site and giving it new life in their building. And it is a building that is beautiful, homey, and full of exploration, fun, and wonder. Plus, they serve all the local schools within a two mile radius and have now begun to co-create branches within other parts of Milwaukee.

You have to check them out. They are super-cool!

Next was a drive a few hours away to Steven’s Point and a college presentation there as well.

From Milwaukee, I went to Wheaton College and had a great classroom conversation and larger event open to the whole campus and community. The professor who facilitated the conversation teaches a course on environmental philosophy. It was cool to see students really digging into the ethics of ecological stewardship in the challenges of living in today’s world.

From Wheaton College, I headed to Boulder, Colorado. This event was held outside in beautiful weather. Yippeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!! : ) The next day, i went to Denver to visit The Alliance Center which is a super cool, sustainably renovated warehouse that is the home for numerous organizations working for a sustainable Colorado. Check them out on www.allianceforcolorado.org. Later in the day, headed back to Boulder to do a fundraiser for the Alliance.

And now, back in the Bay for a bit. It is sunny and cold! Brrrrrrr.

I was supposed to be heading to Mexico to co-lead a retreat, but the swine-flu has changed all of that. Another indicator that we should not be mass-producing animals for food!!!! Go Joyfully Vegan! Yeah!!!

That’s the update for now.

Love,

jb

Published in: on April 28, 2009 at 5:14 pm Comments (6)

An Interview I Did Recently

Hi All,

Here is an interview I did recently with a man named Tom Callos who does really cool stuff with getting the martial arts community involved in service based projects. The book I reference in the interview is called Lose Your Mother: A Journey Along The Altlantic Slave Route by Saidiya Hartman.

The project of the Engage Network–Off The Mat Into The World is in partnership with the wonderfully gifted Yoga instructor, Seane Corn.

Hope you enjoy.

Love,

Julia

Published in: on April 3, 2009 at 12:45 am Comments (12)

On Line Radio Show

Hi All,
I am doing an interview on Voice America which is an online radio show.

Here is the information in case you want to tune in, listen, and call in.

Shift in Action with Stephen Dinan Tuesday, March 31st, 9 AM PT on VoiceAmerica

Log on to Listen:
http://va.radiopilot.net

Questions? Comments?
Call: 1-866-472-5788

Thanks and Love,
julia

Published in: on March 28, 2009 at 7:01 pm Comments (2)

For Cascadia Wildlands Project

The rain dances on the skylights. It is cold. I am no longer in Southern California. I am headed to Eugene, Oregon to do a benefit dinner for Cascadia Wildlands Project. www.cascwild.org They are a wonderful organization working to protect and restore parts of the beautiful forests and watersheds of the wild Northwest. I am in love with the wild. It makes my soul sing and my heart dance with joy. It humbles me and reminds me of how insignificant I truly am.

In the grand scheme of things, there is no such thing as permanent protection (it only means how vigilant we have to be at any one given time.) And there are no perfect solutions or answers (life would be easier if there were.) Yet, in the face of this, many of us arise to greet each day with a renewed sense of commitment to our wild Sacred Earth because we know it is the commitment to our very souls.

I often get so hurt and disappointed. And it’s not nearly as often with the corrupt corporations and governments and ignorance of people, as it is usually with the huge disparity between what those of us of supposed consciousness espouse and the way we live our lives. Too often I want to throw in the towel. I want to go hide out from humans and just be with the wildness of the other than human life until it takes my physical form and transitions me into purely energy.

But I find that I can’t really do that. My soul’s purpose won’t allow me. It continues to call me back into the realm of the human animals asking that we all wake up a little more and commit ourselves to holding ourselves to living our vision of the world even more than trying to tell everyone else how they should change. The greatest leaders in life led by example; not just by words.

I do not care so much about what you know. I am so much more interested in how you live your life in alignment with your vision for the world. That inspires me. That motivates me. That reconnects me with why possibly, we as humans are still here. And still, at the end of the day, as I sit here typing, listening to the rain pounding harder on the roof, I know that I can’t live my life in hopes that people will live in more integrity. My life is not based on anything but my connection to the Divine and living my life with as much integrity as I know each and every moment. I often struggle in this dance. I am working on learning the rhythm, so that I might somehow learn to dance with Grace and Joy.

For the WILD,

julia

Published in: on March 22, 2009 at 7:34 am Comments (5)

Miracles In The Minutia

Tiny, little specks of
white flecks…
flowers poking
through the crevice
of the public transportation train station.

I was filled with judgment
until that moment…
the things things that were not going right,
the person who had not set me up
for success…
the list of my complaints long.
Until that moment.

The flowers were not complaining
that they had to grow
in a crack,
in a crevice
on the edge of concrete
at a station
instead of in a beautiful field
with room to breathe and grow.

They were just being flowers.
Being beautiful
whether anyone cared
or noticed
at all.

I was one big complaint…
until that moment…
when i stooped down
and touched their magnificence
and was humbled to my core.

julia butterfly hill March 2009

Published in: on March 9, 2009 at 9:23 am Comments (6)

A Recent Interview I Did

1. My guess is that you’ve been an activist since birth. What I mean by that is you seem like the type of person who makes up her mind and takes action, regardless of the arena. I remember reading that you had a serious accident that influenced your path, but I’m sure there were other factors too. Thinking back to the time leading up to December of 1997 (or before) please tell me about your decision to act on behalf of the environment?

I was raised with an appreciation and respect for the natural world. Whenever I was afraid or sad, nature is where I would go to find healing and safety. I was not really aware of how much we are destroying the natural world until I was in my teens. I saw an ad for Greenpeace in a magazine and tore it out and hung it on my wall. I helped launch an environmental club in High School called SAFE (Student Activists For Earth.) We started a recycling program on campus, a tree planting program, and walked and rode bikes in our homecoming parade to educate students about reducing our ecological footprint. I also became a vegetarian when I was 14 because I realized eating animals was cruel. Other than that, the only thing I did before the treesit was recycle and try to get others to recycle. That was about the extent of my awareness at the time.

2. The primary tension of praxis, to act or not to act, has several sub-considerations. Please tell me about your personal experience with them?

Pragmatic Considerations— (Time, money, etc.)

When I felt called to help the Redwoods, I also, felt called to sell everything I owned and say goodbye to friends and family. I had no idea what was coming, I was just following a deep, guiding intuition. The reality is that in much of industrialized societies, we are completely addicted to comfort. We are a society of addicts. When confronted with this addiction, we react just like addicts with denial, accusations of others, and often times clinging even more to our addictive behaviors. Time, money, etc… are human-made constructs. They are not real. They are completely made up. We allow myths that we have created to run our lives, and as a result, we often keep ourselves from truly living and experiencing the greatest realms of being a human animal on this wild, amazing, sacred planet.

Assessment of Agency— (Did you think your efforts would be effective? If so, why?)

“Effective” is another human-made construct. It is completely made up in our minds. As a result, what one person thinks is effective, another person thinks is a waste of time. I take the actions I take and live the life I live not based on supposed outcomes, but rather based on asking myself, “How do I best live my life in alignment with the world I want to live in?” I cannot control others. I can only hold myself accountable, and from that place, be a stand for the world I want to live in. I recognize that I and all of us our ancestors of the future. Because no choice happens in a vacuum, every single thought, word, and action changes the world. It is literally impossible to not make a difference. So the question we must ask ourselves is not, “Can I make a difference?” But rather, we must ask ourselves, “What kind of a difference do I want to make?” And this is not a difference based on external circumstances. It is a difference based on how I am showing up every single moment of every day. I am either living in integrity with the world I want to live in, or I am not. I am either living a life committed to peace or I am living violence. I am living a life committed to love or I am living in fear. There are no perfect choices. There is only asking myself every moment of every day, what is the best choice I can make in this moment that is most in alignment with my commitments, beliefs, values, and soul’s song?

Fear as Inhibitor—(Although you seem fearless to me, were there moments leading up to your tree-sit when you had to overcome certain fear(s)? What were they?)

I face fear constantly. Courage does not happen where there is no fear. The root word for courage is
coeur, from the French, which means “heart.” Courage can only happen when we face our fears, overwhelm, grief, anger, and apathy and then choose to take action from our heart anyway. The reality is more of us stop ourselves out of our fear of even being afraid. Instead of running from my fears, I embrace them. I see them as an opportunity for exploration and growth. Every time I transform my fear into love and service, I grow and become even more powerful and joyful than I could ever imagine within the limitations of my mind.

2. The second tension, now or later, involves the decision to take action now, to wait and think through strategies, or to simply wait for a better time to act. What factors influenced your decision to take action now or to wait for a more opportune time?

When we look outside of ourselves for answers, we will often get confused or swayed. Everything external is merely a mirror for what is inside all of us. All we need to know is within our deepest selves. If we are committed to doing the deep work, what is external will merely help illuminate the truth that is within us waiting to be discovered. This does not mean that we do not seek guidance and support from people and the natural world, but rather that we seek that only to help us uncover our own innate truth and wisdom. We also, need to take into consideration how our actions and inactions will affect the world around us. We are not isolated islands. We are a part of an intricate and sacred whole. When I am doing the deep internal work, I just know when it is time to take action and when it is time to rest and wait. This does not mean that I do not make mistakes because I do. I know that if we are not making mistakes, we are not living nearly as big as we are capable of. But when I make a mistake, I look to that mistake for the wisdom it has to offer me, so that even the mistake becomes my teacher.

4. The third tension, means and ends, is meant to illuminate the possibility of 1) activist volunteers who want to help but are then “used” by movement leaders, and 2) resources that are used/exploited for the cause. I once wrote a paper on this topic called “Volunteering Makes You a Tool.” It’s a bit of a play on words, but the idea is that a tool is ABSOLUTLY necessary in one sense, but can easily be objectified and exploited in another sense. Please tell me about how you’ve dealt with this tension.

I learned early on that the media was a tool that wanted to use me as much as I wanted to use it. The lesson was to learn how to be strategic so that I did my best with the media to get the message out that I wanted. It is an often frustrating process, but it does no good to pretend that these tensions don’t exist in our work and in our world. For myself, I can only hope that at the end of my life, whenever that time comes, that I have been used up completely in service to life. The value in my life lies only in how well I allowed myself to be a tool used for service. We can’t take anything with us when we go. Our legacy lies in what kind of a world do we leave behind? How did our lives contribute to leaving the world better than now we received it? Everything else is just ego. And as we don’t get to take that with us either when we go, why waste time on the myth of ego when there is so much more beautiful and profound things to give our energy to. May I be so Blessed as to be completely used up at the end of my life in service to the miraculous gift called life.

5. The fourth tension, tensions between worldviews, serves a cradle for all of the other tensions. When worldviews don’t match up, conflict will exist. Elsewhere, I’ve attempted oland?
to identify a major worldview difference between how you’ve approached trees/forests and how, for instance, MAXXAM approached trees (No big shock there, right?). Do you identify yourself with one of the five perspectives listed above? Or do you have a different way to explain your worldview? If so, how would you explain it?

My worldview is that we are all connected. All that ever has been, all that is, and all that ever will be is all connected. Separation is an illusion, and a very painful one at that. The only place “other” exists is in our minds. We are living with the Disease of Disconnect – what I call Separation Syndrome. When you rip a plant’s roots out from its connection to life, it begins to die. So, too, as we have ripped out our roots of connected consciousness, we and our beautiful world are beginning to die.

The tension lies in being committed to remaining connected – especially when it is difficult. There are huge forces of destruction and violence at work in our world. This calls for us to grow and step up in ways we never could have imagined. To remain connected in the heat of violence, fear, apathy, and cynicism is to be the healing in the midst of the disease.

6. When worldviews differ, what can be done to settle the conflict?

The greatest change happens when we are more committed to being connected than to being right.
It is impossible to find common ground when there must be a right and a wrong, a winner and a loser. We do not always get what we so deeply long for. When we can find the place to balance within the tension of standing completely in what we are committed to, without falling into the trap of judgment, therein lies the only possibility for true conflict resolution. To make someone wrong and bad is to create a conflict. It is not possible to both create and solve a conflict at the same time.
There is no perfect guidebook for this, although there are many tools like Compassionate Comunication (also known as Non-Violent Communication,) Landmark Education, the work of Eckhart Tolle, His Holiness the Dali Lama, the life and actual teachings of Jesus (not to be confused with the teachings of his followers,) Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron, Ram Dass, Gandhi, and many other great teachers from many different spiritual traditions.

7. Can you think of any other tensions of praxis that environmental activists must deal with?

We are all dealing with the Disease of Disconnect. We need to look at how we run ourselves and our health into the ground while trying to work for a healthier world. We need to look at how we fall into the disposability mentality of paper napkins, paper towels, plastic to-go containers, plastic bags, paper cups with plastic lids, the list goes on of how we trash our world. We need to look at how we treat one another and those with opposing world views. We need to get that it is not possible to have a free and beautiful planet, if the animals and people are oppressed and vice versa. We nred to take hard looks at issues like race, class, and gender and how these points of tension are pivitol in transforming the dialog of what constitutes “environment.”

8. Is there anything else you think we should understand about your praxis (thought-action relationship) with environmental activism?

My activism is my spiritual life practice.

9. With regard to your environmental activism, how did your thinking affect your actions and how have your actions affected your thinking?

It is a symbiotic relationship.

10. What advice would you give to would-be movement volunteers concerning activism?/

Believe in your Dreams and your Power to charge the world. Play BIG. Play full out. Don’t let fear Stop you. Trust your intuition. Be as BIG as you can be and at the same time remain humble. We are made up of the same material as stars and the sane material as dirt. Be willing to give your life over to something greater than yourself, and see just how great your life can become! Choose to live life as an exploration. Choose to be a truth seeker, instead of a truth know it all. Make a commitment to remain more committed to being connected than to being right. Laugh a lot – especially at yourself. Stop and smell the flowers. Enjoy the absolute magic of this gift called life – the miracle of every breath. Become a joyous vegan – our forks are weapons of mass destruction or tools of mass compassion depending on the choices we make. Remember to CELEBRATE! Even if it is celebrating the miracle that you chose to wake up another day and have the courage to keep caring in a time that it would be a lot less painful to choose not to care. Look for the miracles in the Small things like a blade of grass pushing through the concrete. Celebrate it! Cry when you need to. And don’t apologize for it, Never apologize for having the courage to care. Build community in everything you do and look for ways to always extend the concepts of what community looks like. Dance, Sing, make art, be creative. And look for ways to enjoy this profound miracle called life as we know it. You are the ancestor of the future. Start living that way.

Published in: on February 16, 2009 at 11:53 pm Comments (11)

Please Join Me In Signing This Very Important Petition!

Hi Friends,

Those of you who have kept up with my blog entries know that the rights of EVERYONE to love the person whom they choose, to be honored and acknowledged for that love, and to have equal rights under the law is very important to me.

With Prop 8, only Californians had a say and sadly, Californians failed in upholding the dignity and rights of all couples. Now, this is hitting the National level, and you can do something to help no matter where you live.

Have you heard that Ken Starr — and the Prop 8 Legal Defense Fund — filed legal briefs defending the constitutionality of Prop 8 and attempting to forcibly divorce 18,000 same-sex couples that were married in California last year? The Supreme Court will hear oral arguments in this case on March 5, 2009, with a decision expected within the next 90 days.

The Courage Campaign has created a video called “Fidelity,” with the permission of musician Regina Spektor, that puts a face to those 18,000 couples and all loving, committed couples seeking full equality under the law.

Please watch this powerful video now. If you have the same reaction that I did, you can help spread the word by sharing it with your friends ASAP — before the Valentine’s Day deadline:

http://www.couragecampaign.org/Divorce

The more people who see this video, the more people will understand the pain caused by Prop 8 and Ken Starr’s shameful legal proceeding.

After you watch the video, please join me and over 100,000 people who have signed a letter to the state Supreme Court, asking them to invalidate Prop 8 and reject Starr’s case.

Thanks so much!

julia

Published in: on February 11, 2009 at 12:36 am Comments (13)